According to legend, the TV series Fawlty Towers was based on a fantastically rude real-life hotelier named Donald Sinclair, whom John Cleese encountered while filming Monty Python. If online restaurant reviews (including those by our readers) are to be believed, there are many Donald Sinclair imitators running restaurants today.

But us diners are hardly blameless. In our time eating in restaurants, members of the Eat Out team have witnessed some downright bizarre behaviour from diners. Our editor Abigail once snapped a candid shot of a well-dressed man licking his bowl in Top 10 restaurant Overture. (Although we don’t really blame him.)

We asked our readers, Eat Out staff and some of our favourite chefs to share the weirdest thing they’ve ever witnessed in restaurants. Ranging from absurd displays of thriftiness to reckless condiment usage, the results are highly entertaining.

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“We were having a lovely lunch on a wine farm when we spotted two aunties whip their own chocolate sauce out of their handbags. We asked them about it and they said they never went anywhere without it.” – Lise Avis, Eat Out managing editor

“Someone stuck their nose in a glass of red wine to take a deep whiff and accidentally inhaled it. She snorted the wine so that it poured out of her nose. How embarrassing! Oh yes, that was me…” – Abigail Donnelly, Eat Out editor

“It often happens that a guest is vegetarian in the evening and not during the day… People chop and change their dietary requests rather than just say they don’t eat a certain item. We also get guests who are Kosher/Halaal in the evening when their wives are with them, and in the morning, when their wives are having a sleep-in, they order extra bacon at the breakfast table!” – Jackie Cameron, former chef at Hartford House and owner of Jackie Cameron’s School of Food and Wine.

“A girl took the fingerbowl and poured the hot water over her spareribs. Shame; she thought it was an extra sauce.” – Celesté Brown de Bruyn, via Facebook

“Some numbskull mistook a bottle of vinegar for a bottle of water and poured himself a glass, only to blast the liquid out of his mouth over his friend and other guests (myself included).” – Wazeer Bassadien, Eat Out digital communications assistant

“We serve a spinach and ricotta ravioli with a garlic and onion velouté. But we’ve had people asking for the velouté without garlic and onion, and the ravioli without cheese.” – Richard Carstens, chef at Tokara (a 2013 Top 10 nominee)

“I found a frog in my spinach and called the waiter over. He laughed and thought I was joking, until I showed him. Well, his face after that was so funny.” – Felicity Wilmott Castle, via Facebook

Kermit posed coyly on the tomato, poised to make his debut on social media.

“An old lady stealing a bottle of tomato sauce.” – Michelle Barnes, via Facebook

“My granny always hides a tomato in her handbag whenever she eats out ­– just in case. She simply can’t enjoy a meal without it!” – Linda Scarborough, Eat Out copy editor

“A 6-year-old boy smacking a waitress’s bum. That waitress was me.” – Naomi Du Plessis, via Facebook

“When I was a waiter, a patron sent back a cup of coffee because it was too hot.” – Nicholas Child, via Facebook

“My granny and her sisters grew up in the small town of Bredasdorp. At a certain age, they all made they all made their way to the city. On a visit to the Spur at the Waterfront, my gran’s eldest sister ordered ribs. Naturally this came with a warm lemony finger bowl. She thought it was her lucky day to be getting a complimentary soup… Yes, she drank it!” – Kelly Pluke, Eat Out editorial assistant

“When I worked at a Mexican restaurant we had a guy come in one day and order the nachos without cheese. I mean, it’s basically just a bowl of chips.” – Joseph Oliphant, waiter

“I was eating ribs at Spur with my hands, and when I tried to pull a piece off the rack it flew across the room and hit someone in the chest. He didn’t see where it came from and I was so ashamed it took me all evening to own up.” – Wazeer Bassadien, Eat Out digital communications assistant

“I saw a woman taking out her own apple as a starter!” – Phelia Burger, via Facebook

“We embrace quirky guests at Overture! There was one couple that did not have a reservation with us and attempted to sneak into the restaurant from different angles and ‘steal’ a table three times! We were fully booked and could not help them, but had to explain the reason three times over. We’ve also had people pop in before service, sit at a table, take pictures of themselves and leave. A bit odd!” – Bertus Basson, chef at Overture (No. 7 in the 2013 Top 10)

“We’ve had several people in the past who’ve ordered the beef tartare and sent it back to be cooked more.” – Richard Castens, chef at Tokara

What crazy things have you seen in a restaurant? Please share your stories in the comments below.