It sounds like a great idea, one sober morning in our editorial meeting. But, for many, “Let’s do a tequila tasting!” is a suggestion best left unrealised.

In recent years, a veritable deluge of brands has flooded the market, though most tequila-drinkers don’t know that there are five different varieties of the wicked tipple. Blanco (white or silver) is un-aged; Reposado, meaning ‘rested’ in Spanish, is aged for up to a year in oak; Joven is a mix of Blanco and Reposado; Anejo is aged for up to three years; and extra Anejo is aged for more than three years.

More investigation is clearly required, so we decide to head to the Grand Daddy, home to a rather large array of tequilas, after work. As the hour approaches, our enthusiasm seems to be replaced by fear, but nevertheless we bravely head out.

“How many tequilas do you have?” I ask barman, Henry Zimba, as we pull bar stools up to the counter at the Grand Daddy. Smiling, he gestures to an entire wall behind his bar, where fifteen or sixteen bottles stand. One of them, I notice, has a skull and crossbones emblazoned on it. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” I muse. Our designer, Julia, looks as if she’s going to bolt.

Containing 38 to 40% alcohol, tequila has a deservedly fearsome reputation. “We’ll just sip, okay? No need to shoot them all…” I say, foreseeing hospital beds in our collective futures.

In order to save you the headache, we’ve got some tasting notes for you. The following are arranged according to their “tequila-face” factor, from grin to grimace.

1. Patrón Citronge
Popularised by the likes of rapper T.I., Patrón has taken the country by storm with its sweet, smooth, and inoffensive tequilas. This brand is best known for the coffee-flavoured tequila, so we thought we’d give the Citronge a try. Syrupy, fragrant and sweet, this one was rather liked by the team. 

“It tastes a little like Cointreau,” our account manager, Claire, observes. It’s also missing that terrifying tequila kick. “Maybe this isn’t going to be so bad,” I think to myself. 
Price: R30 a shot

2. Patrón Reposado
A lighter gold, clearer drink, this has to be one of the least offensive tequilas. A slight caramel smell knocks the edge off. It’s almost pleasant to sip.
Price: R45 a shot

3. Patrón Anejo
Golden, smooth, and only slightly peppery, this tequila meets with very little resistance from the team.
“It has a slight smell of honey,” our content director, Anelde, observes. Like all the Patrons, it’s hand-bottled in Mexico, with a batch number scribbled on a label on the side.
Price: R55 a shot

4. Silver Patrón
Fresh tasting and ‘planty’, this is a smooth, traditional tequila. A good choice for refined tequila fans who really enjoy the flavour.
Price: R35 a shot

5. Olmeca Tezon Anejo
Hand-made in a traditional process, this pale gold tequila is nicely rounded with a slight caramel aftertaste. (At least we think we taste caramel. It’s getting difficult to tell…) A good, robust tequila.
Price: R45

6. Sauza Gold Tequila
A classic-tasting tequila, this one has the team detecting notes of caramel and oak. It’s also got a pleasant lemony scent.
Price: R18 a shot

7. El Jimador Reposado
“This is very affordable,” Henry tells us, engendering wide-eyed, fearful looks from the team. It has that distinct smell, warning of payback-time, but the flavour leaves quickly once you’ve swallowed. While it’s quite peppery, it has no real kick. A good, affordable, classic tequila.
Price: R18

8. Los Gringos Gold Tequila
Produced in Medico and bottled locally, this is a very peppery liquid.
“Owie,” remarks Julia, while copy editor, Linda, complains that she’s struggling to swallow it. But that could be because we’re eight tequilas in.
Price: R16

9. Azul Blue
Bronze and coppery, this is the darkest of the tequilas on offer. It’s also made locally, and is very smooth. “It tastes a bit hollow,” Linda says. “Yes, it’s watery,” I agree. “But it’s not as offensive as the others,” says Claire.
Price: R14

10. La Muerte 
“We want to taste the one with the skull and crossbones on it”, Julia tells barman Henry. He winces, “It’s very strong, this one.” At 43%, it is fairly strong, but according to the bottle, it’s organic. And it’s also made locally – great for food mileage. Can’t be too bad, right?
“I’m a bit scared to taste it,” Linda says after a cautious sniff. It has a slight scent of raw potato on the nose and quite an earthy flavour.
“Okay, make it stop!”
Price: R19 a shot

The tasters seem to be building a pyramid of shot glasses on the bar. Perhaps we’ve had enough tequila for one day…

By Katharine Jacobs
Research by Katharine Jacobs, Anelde Greeff, Linda Scarborough, Julia van Schalkwyk and Claire Buchanan.