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Slap-chip safari: a definitive ranking of South Africa’s takeaway fries
Wednesday, June 11th, 2014
Always keen to perform our humble duty, and inspired by this story on the definitive ranking of USA’s fast-food French fries, we decide to do our own version on local takeaway chips. (Read last year’s related article, where we pitted Burger King against Steers and McDonald’s.)
Maps in hand and wearing stretchy jeans, we bravely hit the city streets to consume eight portions of hot chips. Along the way, we dodge jaywalking charges and fight the urge to collapse into racks of baby spinach, but at great personal cost, Eat Out staffers Tina Kapoutsis, Katharine Jacobs, Lauren Josephs and Linda Scarborough bring you our ranking of the best takeaway chips in South Africa.
To make this safari geographically balanced, we only included the large takeaway franchises/brands that are available across South Africa. (For what it’s worth, our favourite real-deal slap chips are from Lusitania Fisheries down the road.)
8. Wimpy
R15 for small
Rating from 1 (slap) to 10 (crisp): 4
Jaundiced and pale, these poor specimens have almost zero flavour. “We need to dress them up with something,” Lauren says charitably, reaching for a packet of salt. But nothing can save them. “Terrible terrible terrible taste. Terrible,” intones Tina, with Katharine weighing in, “They taste like why.”
Wimpy’s offering
7. Hungry Lion
R10.90 for a small
Rating from 1 (slap) to 10 (crisp): 7
I’d never heard of Hungry Lion before and today I find out why. The chips, though very crispy, have an awful, acrid aftertaste that not even lashings of plasticky sweet tomato sauce can mask. Also worth noting is that on the day we darken their doorway, the Adderley branch claims not to have any change, pocketing the extra 10c and 20c for every item that isn’t a round number.
The Hungry Lion spuds
6. Spur
R18.20 for a portion
Rating from 1 (slap) to 10 (crisp): 5
It was news to me that Spur does takeaways, but the incredulous team enlightens me and we sink onto the cow couch and await our cardboard container. The slightly stale skinny fries that arrive are so sad-looking and anaemic, with no seasoning at all, that we decide to repurpose them as a vehicle for Spur’s famous pink sauce. “If these came with a steak I’d eat the meat and just forget the chips,” says Lauren, frowning slightly. Tina concedes that she would eat the chips, but only with litres of pink sauce. “Actually, I’d probably even eat the cardboard box if it was dipped in this!” Tina declares, and can be heard tenderly whispering “I love you” to the sauce bottle as we leave.
The takeaway chips from Apache Spur
5. McDonald’s
R5 (‘Small change big smiles’ promotion)
Rating from 1 (slap) to 10 (crisp): 7
By this stage of the tasting we all have severe starch fatigue, but this chip offering is at least reliably McDonaldsy: very skinny and sporting a gorgeous golden colour. You can’t mistake their appearance and taste as belonging to any other brand, but the fries are kind of hollow, with no creamy interior beneath the collapsing crust. “They taste oddly not like potato,” quips Katharine. “That must be the anti-vomit agent!”
McDonald’s shoestring fries
4. Burger King
R10 for a small
Rating from 1 (slap) to 10 (crisp): 8
More than a year after opening, Burger King is still seemingly getting its chips together. On the afternoon of our safari there are 30-minute long queues, the beef patties have run out, and the place is teeming with groaning zombies. Once we escape with our order, we note that the chips have a glowing hue and great texture that’s fluffy inside and crunchy outside – probably the best of them all – but they taste sort of like corn. (Maybe that’s why they’re so yellow?) Extra credit though for tangy mayo and good ketchup.
Burger King
3. Nando’s
R16.50 for a small
Rating from 1 (slap) to 10 (crisp): 6
The chips inside vibey Nando’s are pretty good and the sachets of evil orange peri-peri seasoning make them even better. The medium-thick fries taste fresh, have a good crisp outside with soft inside, and stay piping hot for ages. “Good squishiness,” observes Katharine. “They’re a little floury, but they taste quite wholesome. Like actual potato.” Bonus points for the sachets of Nando’s Perinaise dip.
Nando’s chips
2. KFC
Small R5 (‘Ka-ching’ promotion)
Rating from 1 (slap) to 10 (crisp): 5
While KFC feels a bit tacky inside and isn’t necessarily your first stop for fries, we are pretty impressed with their chips’ taste, texture, seasoning and value for money. The skinnyish chips arrive in less than a minute after we order, with a perfect sprinkling of spice. Katharine reckons they taste just like KFC, wondering if it’s due to the traces of fried chicken floating around the room. These chips are best inhaled when hot, as they tend to get a little dry when more than a few minutes old. (But in most instances they won’t make it that long.) Tina pronounces them perfectly “potato chippy”.
The (surprisingly good) KFC chips
1. Steers
R13 for a small
Rating from 1 (slap) to 10 (crisp): 5
The Strand Street branch welcomes us with warm wooden interiors, inviting upholstered furniture and frantic dance music. The super-hot chips appear in different lengths and thicknesses – evidence of their having been ground-bound vegetables at some point – and sprinkled with that amazing Steers spice. While they are a little oilier than the rest, the chips are really creamy inside and the gift just keeps on giving in the form of those crunchy bits in the corners of the bag.
One chip to rule them all: Steers chips
Which is your favourite brand of takeaway chips? Let us know in the comments.
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How could you not know Spur does take away?? This franchise has been going since 1967?
Have you not seen the MR Delivery menus…though this is your industry…not exactly knowledgeable.
Steers!
Steers! FTW!
I love McDonald’s chips!
Two things:
Firstly, I wouldn’t call ANY of the above slap chips! I’d call them take away franchise chips. All revolting except for nom nom Steers chips. Can’t comment on Burger King’s as I haven’t been to them here yet.
Secondly, imo, slap chips are the chips that you either a) get from the corner caf, b) a ‘chippy’ or c) a fish n chip shop. The perfect slap chip imo, is a selection of real potatoes that have been hand cut, deep fried, and apart from the occasional refried crispy bits, is a pale yellow, which you then promptly slather with dark vinegar and oodles of salt and wolf them down before they get cold and lose their flavour. THAT’S a slap chip. ☺
I totally agree 100%
I agree Fern, This was, as all Eat Out surveys go, a complete waste of my reading time. I don’t understand their logic with scoring either. Nothing warranted a 7 or 8!
FERN: excellent description of slap chips. Your fish n chip shop is still the best for the occasional craving.
I agree. The article is such a let down…lost opportunity to showcase the corne rshop that excels at making those slap chips that people queue for during lunch hour
Sorry, I thought this was a slap chips survey. this means those served mainly by fish and chip shops. I wonder as does the above reader about the level of understanding of the subject. The best fries/chips from a franchise are those served by Primi Roastery.
shocking article,your article was supposed to be on slup chips not fries.pathetic!
I must agree that none of the chps dicussed in this in this review could be described as “slap chips”. Of all I would only crave Steers chips from time to time.
To find real “slap chips” you would have to visit many other non franchised shops.
Was keen on the link when it read Slap Chip safari but not one of the items fall under that category. Those are all fries.
Steers, definately the best of the above-mentioned. The price for the worst chips has to go to Ocean Basker, though.
Yeah none of these are Slap chips. Lusitania make the best real slap chips.
Aghh so disappointed by this article! A decent slap chip is one that is snuggly wrapped up in white paper and steam themselves in salty vinegary goodness. So was excited to see what this article could provide. 🙁
I do know of one place on the corner of koeberg and voortrekker road that does a nice slap chippi.
What you had do not qualify as slap chips. Pathetic. Fries and slap chips are totally different things. Slap chips are actually “slap” and tastes like salt and vinegar, not like old and overused oil.
Linda Linda Linda
A slap chip is something waaaaay different to the ..emmhh “stuff” that you sampled.
And another thing (while I am on a roll here)
How can I trust the writings on the subject of take away food of someone who did not know that the Spur does take aways and did not know of the existance of the Hungry Lion.
@Fern well said. One can not compare the chips that is sold in a franchise or any establishment that sell prepared chips.
Nooooo was so excited to read this article to find the best slap chip – none of these are slap chips!!! Disappointed 🙁 Did have some slap chips last night from my local fish and chips shop :-):-)
What about Afro*s in Durban? Sure, they’re only in Durbs, but their tjips are amazing!
By no means are these fries “slap chips”.
Very, very disappointed by the misleading title… You know, being South African and all.
Also, this list of chips is so tired. *yawn*. The second I saw fries, I expected you to list Steers as number 1. Again, yawn.
Guys, none of the above are slap chips, they’re French Fries. BIG difference between the two. Slap chips are from the corner fish ‘n chip shop, in a paper bag with salt & vinegar (and smell absolutely amazing, especially on cold & rainy days.)
a very unhelpful article to say the lease, ‘SLAP CHIPS” – no ways
List of SH!T CHIPS
I too was very excited when I saw the title. Either change your title or review real slap chip joints. Come on EatOut!
What is happening to Eat Out? Sloppy journalism, a misleading headline, no slap chips tested. And your restaurant review site is losing all credibility – a user unfriendly format (really don’t appreciate having to open a new page for each review and then it turns out to be a one liner like “FANTASTIC FOOD” – or “pathetic service”. At least on the old site there was a preview of the first line or two, and one could choose to read further. Then to top it all – there is now spam in the reviews!
What is happening to Eat Out? Sloppy journalism, a misleading headline, no slap chips tested. And your restaurant review site is losing all credibility – a user unfriendly format (really don’t appreciate having to open a new page for each review and then it turns out to be a one liner like “FANTASTIC FOOD” – or “pathetic service”. At least on the old site there was a preview of the first line or two, and one could choose to read further. Then to top it all – there is now spam in the reviews!
Hi Sue. We are in the process of developing a new reviews page so that it will show a preview and the location of the restaurants, like the old site did. Thanks for your feedback!
Have to agree with yours and the other postings here. And where are the comments by the Eatout team?
Sorry guys but NONE of the above can be defined as SLAP CHIPS.
Major #FAIL.
Suggest you hit the real streets of SA, not just Americanised fast food.
NOT SLAP CHIPS…ANY OF THEM. NO MAN….EISH
Sho so many people moaning about the article that can obviously not read as it explains the reasoning for franchise chips clearly.
Anyway I love all kinds and forms of fried potatoes
I’m not sure what an article on disgusting fast food is doing on this site. Pathetic!
If you are looking for slap chips. Come on over to Texies.
We served fresh cut chips peeled and cut daily, unlike the franchises mentioned above.
Add dd some salt and vinegar and you have Cape Towns best slap chips.
Don’t be too shy on the vinegar……. Vinegar makes you SMILE!!
Just want to add my voice, worst article ever in this Mag. They as most people here have commented do not qualify for the term Slap Chips. Get you research right and sample decent Chips. Frozen potatoes fried in oil does not qualify as chips.
A BIG “NO” to your test of :SLAP CHIPS” definitely not the real thing 🙁
Wow, some of the reviews on this was unnecessarily brutal- almost as if a competing food review company saw this and decided to troll the heck out of it. Okay, so the title didn’t jive with what they reviewed by a smidge- naughty naughty- but Im sure next time they’ll do better.
I quite enjoyed the survey. Hands down Burger king best chips EVER, Steers best seasoning. If the two got together, it would be unbeatable.
Steers makes real potato chips. Slap chips will only be found at a fish and chips shop.