Tapas in teacups; oozing, deconstructed desserts on slate tiles; sidedishes trapped in awkward receptacles – the public has had enough! Calls are being made on social media to bring back the humble, purpose-built ceramic. We want plates!

Covering everything from trends that need to be retired (dank burger board, anyone?) to props that have no place on a table (yes, even swords), Twitter account @wewantplates is on the “crusade against serving food on bits of wood and roof slates, jam-jar drinks and chips in mugs”. We categorised some of the worst dining disasters.

Disaster 1: The rules of gravity, as evidenced when planks, boards and similar flat-crockery shams and liquid meet. Cue meltdown.

Oh FFS… @WeWantPlates pic.twitter.com/e3K05zSknI

— Tom Callow (@au_tom_otive) May 11, 2016

Valiant attempt at a chip flood-barrier, but gutterless planks spell one thing: sauce woe. (Pic: @eugenehenry84) pic.twitter.com/AexrwjZp1s — We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) February 3, 2016

Centuries of plate-smashing catches up with Greece as crockery shortage leads to tzatziki/board woe.

(Pic: @kewgreen) pic.twitter.com/WeY2QH84DD

— We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) October 3, 2015

If only someone would invent a round, ceramic vessel with a lip to prevent custard spillage. (Pic: @stakgeorge) pic.twitter.com/mQiuazdgD6 — We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) January 23, 2016

If you’re off to @thebeaufortbath for dinner, be warned: things could get messy.

(Pic: @c_johnston372) pic.twitter.com/NoxjxWCVoZ

— We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) March 15, 2016

Disaster 2: Using glass to hold (hot) solids instead of liquids.

“Your steak won’t be long, we’re still trying to force it into a wine bottle.” Brunswick, Bournemouth.@WeWantPlates pic.twitter.com/DelIRTsKze — Joe Lockhart (@JoeyL14) October 31, 2015

“What can I get you, Mr Bond?” “Martini. Shaken, not stirred. With loads of mash and spring onions.” (Pic: @nar_Nia) pic.twitter.com/u9gCBduIGN — We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) April 25, 2016

A reminder to all chefs during #BritishSausageWeek: sausage and mash does not belong in a glass. (Pic: @mickmcavoy) pic.twitter.com/nEr7zJ719m — We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) November 4, 2015

You can’t go wrong with a classic Shepherd’s Pie. Unless you’re the Old George Inn, South Cerney. (Pic: @headcovers) pic.twitter.com/eNp4qLS1ou — We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) January 24, 2016

You’re going to love this: DECONSTRUCTED SPAG BOL, La Folie Douce, Val d’isere, €29 (@WeWantPlates) pic.twitter.com/81icv1VyEn — Ed Smith (@rocketandsquash) March 17, 2016

Disaster 3: Bringing nature and the outdoors not just indoors but onto your table and in contact with your food for no sane or valuable reason.

Barcelona: Catalonia’s capital of gastronomy, where they stick your breakfast on a shovel. (Pic: @garethlangston) pic.twitter.com/RtMJHFlCjG — We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) February 10, 2016

Log ✅ Axe ✅ Obligatory mini desk lamp ✅ (Pic: HT @dazcun) pic.twitter.com/1Gd3zVDQtl — We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) February 5, 2016

That is pâté. That is a shoulder bone. That is very, very wrong. (Pic: @TomAllen1000) pic.twitter.com/34TfHbF2fQ — We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) October 8, 2015

“How are the BBQ prawns served?” “On a tree with a ceramic rabbit.” *blinks* (Pic: @SStenlake) pic.twitter.com/4rjvEUZvxX — We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) April 21, 2016

Perfect for launching back to the kitchen. (Pic. @ChenChatter) pic.twitter.com/Qw8v0Esbtt — We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) January 2, 2016

Disaster 4: When fashion and food collide, making fashion victims of us all.

“Chef, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have arrived, they’ve ordered the tempura shoe to share.”
(Pic: @eeketht) pic.twitter.com/8d0NCWhrSX

— We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) March 28, 2016

“What’s the soup of the day?”
“Cream of wild mushroom, with a hint of insole and corn plaster.”
(Pic: @simonraess) pic.twitter.com/ChaLTrcV0j

— We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) January 30, 2016

Zaza Restaurant, Panama
(Pic: @StuartHelmer) pic.twitter.com/ghKL63jlNT

— We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) November 21, 2015

“A boot, chef?”
“Looks good.”
“Really?”
“Tastes better.”
“Err…”
“OK, we can charge more.”

(Pic: @CherryYoghurt77) pic.twitter.com/NZkWHWmx8V

— We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) October 28, 2015

@WeWantPlates Chicken croquettes at Jaleo in Washington D.C. pic.twitter.com/KSC7gCTw6j

— Ben Harris-Roxas (@ben_hr) May 13, 2016

Disaster 5: The practice of insane, unappetising and quite frankly dangerous household upcycling.

“The chicken lacks something, chef.”
“Seasoning?”
“No.”
“Jus?”
“No.”
“Reproduction medieval sword?”
(Pic: M Graham) pic.twitter.com/LyVs7gwpmH

— We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) March 20, 2016

Skate on a skateboard: dangerous AND unappetizing @hotelchantelle @WeWantPlates (pic by ImaYesFa N., Yelp) pic.twitter.com/IKxSUp1JeG

— Eva (@thisiskis) December 3, 2015

Chicken fingers in a skull and a seashell of beans, coinciding with the bottom of a barrel.
(Pic: @jonnybadclobber) pic.twitter.com/NUUQ3236Yl

— We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) February 7, 2016

“And can I have it on a plate, please?”
“Certainly…”

(Pic: @BethFad91) pic.twitter.com/ZbbBBKoJUu

— We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) October 12, 2015

.@WeWantPlates Here’s the pork medallion dinner I had in Havana recently, served in a novelty urinal: pic.twitter.com/nTBZ68WiNI

— FuzzyWuzzy (@FuzzyWuzzyTO) April 29, 2015

It’s now also possible to spend unnecessary money to recreate this awkwardness for your friends and family at home:

Are you worried your friends don’t think you’re enough of a tosser? I think I’ve found the answer pic.twitter.com/QDa0VAtho7

— Jess Brammar (@jessbrammar) December 30, 2015

Experienced your own unruly restaurant utensils? Share your stories with us on Twitter @Eat_Out. In fact, we think British comedy writer and actor John Finnimore sums it up pretty well: Put it on a plate!