The brains
Neil Roake is literally an idea waiting to happen. One of the driving forces behind The Space fashion stores, he also owns The Concierge Boutique Bungalows and has established a great foodie following with Freedom Café, Craft Trattoria and a slew of cook books. When The Space in Gateway moved premises, Neil decided a coffee shop was an indispensable fashion accessory. “The name Larneys is very colloquial to South Africa and, in particular, to Durban. It means fancy,” explains Neil. “I wanted to do an indy coffee shop that stood out from the mass market food offering out there. I did tons of research into coffee and was fascinated with what I discovered. So we started with the coffee and made sure this was top notch. I also found out that coffee is like bread… it goes stale, so we ensure we roast our coffee weekly. I work with the totally passionate bunch at Colombo Tea & Coffee Co [in Durban] to develop our own blend which we called The Jolt. I love working with passionate people.”
 
The mood
An army of Chinese cats of fortune beckons with waving arms. A bright red arrow adorned with stage lights proclaims “You are here”, pointing motel-style to the name Larneys which is haphazardly arranged in loose letters. Set in a corridor, a wood and steel counter with piles of magazines allows customers to be introspective while also serving to separate clusters of tables and black and white tartan arm chairs from the thoroughfare. A large wooden shelving unit demarcates the coffee shop from The Space and creates a supply store feel, as it is stocked with mini panettone, wooden boxes of mineral water, sugar cones, Italian wine and bags of coffee. Larneys is filled with the quirky, humorous touches Neil has become synonymous with – funky music CDs and after-sex mints are sold at the till point and tables are festooned with retro sugar pourers and paper straws.
 
The food
The back to basics approach focuses on clever compilation and has proved successful in its simplicity. Uncomplicated options are prepared with foodie integrity and the menu bears testimony to the fact that man can (almost) live on bread alone – it is dominated by an extensive choice of paninis which come toasted. Popular versions include the French Kiss with gypsy ham, mustard and mozzarella and Hey Pesto filled with Parma ham, pesto, mozzarella and tomato.

More recent additions to the menu include a selection of piadinas (the top seller is the roast chicken with olives, herb mayo, gherkins and mozzarella) and the bruschettatrio (basil pesto, roma tomatoes and feta; ricotta and zucchini and olive tapenade). The latest additions include a breakfast panini filled with scrambled egg, gypsy ham and mozzarella while the oft-abused muffin is taken to new heights.

Neil has perfected the “pesto prince” muffin which is a lovely light incarnation with pesto, olives, rosa tomatoes and chunks of feta. He has a predilection with soups so look out for his “rich, big bowls of comfort” this winter. Think smoky chourico and chick pea, ham and pea, or zucchini and mint.

Those who prefer sweet surrender should be on high alert for the soon-to-be-launched red velvet cupcakes. Current muses include friands, chocolate and carrot cupcakes, lemon meringue tartlets and brownies.
 
The crowd
Like a box of those 80s favourites, Quality Streets, you’re never quite sure what you’re going to get. It’s a perfect pit stop for the arty crowd en-route to a nouveau cinema screening; super-stylish shoppers from The Space ponder purchases here and a handful of perky pensioners marvel at the café’s quirks with barely concealed supercilious delight.  
 
The verdict
Hang out, hang on, hang over … they’ve got you covered.

By Tracy Gielink