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Time to split the bill: Which one of these 8 worst characters in a restaurant are you?

Wednesday, January 6th, 2021 by Katy Rose

Sharing a meal with friends can be great fun, but nobody enjoys those last 10 minutes when we have to split the bill. Read on to see which character you are.

The Minister of Finance

This friend will take control of the bill, sorting out exactly what each person consumed and in what fractions. Armed with a calculator and mystical formulas, the Minister of Finance will tell you that you owe exactly R165.36 because you had a burger, chips and a third of the bottle of water, plus a 12.5% tip for the server. He will also inform you that this is 7% more expensive than lunch the last time you met up, and that the bill prediction for next quarter is not looking positive.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels

The Picky Eater

Does anyonelike the Picky Eater? Their order is broken down into the tiniest slivers of instructions, while the poor waiter takes down the order. The Picky Eater brings the same attention to detail to the bill, and because they know exactly what they ate (and when and how), they know the correct amount to contribute. Nothing more and nothing less.

The Billionaire

The Billionaire wants to pay the full bill for everyone, but only if everyone knows that they are paying. They will snatch the bill from the waitress, insist loudly and with a nervous laugh that “it’s my treat”. Then they will wave the bill folder violently in the air like airport ground control so that the whole restaurant can witness their generosity.  A nice friend to have? Perhaps…

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The Social Drinker

A nice enough friend to have around, but as soon as the bill comes around things can get ugly when the Social Drinker is involved. She is only too happy to accept your offer of a splash or two of wine, but she lives by the rule “If I didn’t order the wine, I don’t pay for any”. A strange logic, so keep an eye out for the Social Drinker in the earlier parts of the meal. That’s where the trouble starts.

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The Lenin

Some say that Lenin is the best kind of friend to have, while others (we’re looking at you, Picky Eater) may not agree. Comrade Lenin dictates that the bill should be divided equally between all friends so that everyone contributes exactly the same amount of money to the bill. This is certainly the fastest way to sort out the bill, but is it the best?

The Gambler

The Gambler came here for a good time, not to squabble over the bill. She reclines in her seat as the Minister of Finance pours over the details. She is only too happy to let the others sort out the money stuff: she’s got better things to do than count pennies. She throws down a debit card, nonchalantly as if she’s just won at blackjack and this is Monte Carlo. Take my money, she seems to say.

The Business Owner

The Business Owner is an affable chap – great company, a generous tipper and probably knows all about the wines of southern Portugal. He’ll contribute fairly to the bill without a second thought, but as soon as he sees a flutter of a white thermal bill printout his eyes glaze over: the monster is unleashed. Must… keep… the… slip, he grunts as he lurches for the receipt, stashing it away for his tax returns, guarding it jealously. Weird.

The Codebreaker

The Codebreaker is closely related to the Picky Eater. He must and will decipher and translate the bill to the whole table. No line item will escape his scrutiny, not even the added VAT at the bottom. With suspicious eyes, he will ask the waitress to explain every line item, even the one that reads “Xtra Avo”.

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Which character are you when the bill comes around? Chat to us on Facebook where we continue the conversation.

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6 Comments

  • Rasch Torode
    January 6, 2021

    Dear Writer of this Article, please note that the Gambler would PORE over the details – unless she POURS wine or water all over it…

    🙂

    Reply
    1. Katy Rose
      January 7, 2021

      Quite correct, Linda!

  • Andrew Nowell
    January 7, 2021

    You forgot two key members of the group, the Runner and the Chump.

    The Runner will order similar items to others in an attempt for their items not to stand out on the bill. When the bill arrives they will give it a look over to fool others in thinking they are calculating their total owed, but in reality this is just for show. They then pass the bill along and dump a pile of notes on the bill folder, that is well short of the total they owe. They are the first to leave the table stating that they need to dash. They rely on confusion and uncertainty to get away with a cheap meal.

    The Chump is one of the last people at the table who adds up the piles of cash and compares them to the total of the bill. They think they can use their credit card for the full bill and keep the cash and maybe score a small discount. The opposite happens. The Chump discovers that even with their portion added, the total is well short of the total on the bill. The two remaining friends state loudly that they have given more than enough and even included a generous tip. It is left to the Chump to make up, not only the difference, but to also pay a fair tip.

    While the Chump suffers from instant Karma, the Runner often gets off Scot-free.

    Reply
    1. Katy Rose
      January 12, 2021

      Andrew, I’ve met a few Runners in my time – the one who needs to hurry to the next social engagement. Being a Finance Minister myself, I keep an eye on the Runner and make sure to hold them accountable up front.

  • Jade Abbott
    January 7, 2021

    This was a fun read. Do a quiz next so we can find out exactly which one we are…if we already don’t know hehe

    Reply
    1. Katy Rose
      January 12, 2021

      Great idea, Jade! Everyone loves a quiz.

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