The Noisy Oyster in Paternoster sure knows how to whet the appetite with its fun and frisky menu, says Jeanne Calitz.

Food

There’s a sensual playfulness to this restaurant, with the starters listed under ‘foreplay’ and mains explained under the heading of – what else? – ‘intercourse’. Add to this the naughty pictures decorating the bathrooms, and you can be assured that this establishment has its tongue firmly in cheek. All the better to taste the food, of course.
To get into the swing of things, we order a plate of juicy local oysters. Plump and fresh, they’re just the thing to pair with a bottle of Warwick Professor Black Sauvignon Blanc. Other temptations include hot smoked mackerel with berry-saffron vinaigrette and terrine of pig’s cheeks with olive and apple chutney.

Dinner at Noisy Oyster. Photo courtesy of the restaurant.

Seeing as we’re near the beach, there’s a lot of seafood on the menu, but if you’re feeling overfished, they offer spatchcock baby chicken; Chalmar beef sirloin with potato wedges fried in duck fat; and handmade Toulouse sausage with a potato, parsnip and baby turnip purée blanc. There’s also an interesting dish of braised and shredded duck with Asian noodles and toasted nuts. The clear winner of the day, however, is the seafood laksa, a gloriously fragrant marriage of kingklip, mussels and calamari in a spicy coconut broth. It’s the kind of dish that makes you want to lick the bowl for every last, delicious morsel. Despite valiant efforts, we have no room for dessert, but next time we might try the crème brûlée, chocolate cake or toffee brownies.

Drinks

A short but sufficient list features the likes of Spier, Creation and Reyneke across an amiable price range and with most of them available by the glass. If you’re in need of something virginal, ask about their interesting cordials – the ginger version being a special treat.

Service

Service is spot on; it’s welcoming and quick off the mark. The pacing between courses is just right.

Ambience

Take your seat on the outside terrace with its friendly vibe. Greenery and bright lanterns, coupled with brightly painted wooden benches adorned with comfy cushions, make for a pleasantly relaxed experience.

Inside at Noisy Oyster. Photo courtesy of the restaurant.

And…

They sure know how to whet the appetite. Next time I’m having the oysters poached in cream of artichoke with MCC-and-black-pepper crème fraîche. It’s listed with the starters under ‘foreplay’, but should perhaps be moved to a category of its own, labelled ‘the big bang’.

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